You might be wondering “what is an emotional affair”?
Emotional affairs are different from a full blown sexual affair in that they don’t involve any physical intimacy but there is a strong emotional connection instead.
There are two schools of thought here. One believes that you are not actually being unfaithful to your marriage partner if you have a strong emotional connection with another person because there is no sex involved.
The other view is that having this deep connection to another person can be as destructive, if not more so, than a sexual relationship.
This is because when you have an emotional affair, you are more likely to share feelings, thoughts and emotions with the other person.
If you suspect that your husband is having an emotional affair, you know that he is keeping secrets from you. He is giving his time and attention to another woman and keeping his private self from you. That hurts.
Why Men Don’t Think Emotional Affairs Are Destructive
If you confront your husband about his emotional affair, be prepared for one thing: he won’t probably see it in the same light as you.
For men, if there is no sex involved, they wouldn’t really consider themselves as being unfaithful.
Rather, your husband will believe that he is providing support and friendship for this other woman. He may not admit to you that he looks forward to seeing her, that he loves to spend time with her, that she makes him laugh, that they have an easy camaraderie. Your husband will consider all of these things to be entirely normal and wonder why you are so unhappy about his friendship with another woman, who in many cases will turn out to be a work colleague.
Whichever school of thought you belong to, if you are keeping things secret from your spouse, if you actively arrange to meet another person when you know your spouse is not going to be around, if you are having restaurant dates in secret, if you are confiding and sharing things with this other person that you are not doing with your spouse – then this makes for the beginnings of an affair. It doesn’t have to involve sex, but anything, even the emotional bond that you have – if you want to keep it secret from your married partner, then deep down you must know it is wrong.
How Do I End My Husband’s Emotional Affair?
You can’t end your husband’s emotional affair but you can make him realize that what he is doing is hurting you and putting your marriage at risk.
Only your husband can end his emotional affair. He won’t think he has done anything wrong, but if he has been keeping his meetings and conversations with the other woman secret, then he knows (even though he might be in denial about it) that he is hiding something and things aren’t right.
It is up to you to make him see this. Turn the tables and ask him would he feel the same if you were the one who was having an emotional affair with another man?
So, the road to getting your husband to end his emotional affair is to have that first talk and to make him realize things have to stop.
You then need to decide what you are going to do if he refuses to stop seeing this other woman or spending time with her.
These days, many affairs, both sexual and emotional, happen because of an attraction at work. Chances are, your husband wasn’t looking for an affair, but spending so much time at work means that people tend to spend most of their waking day in the workplace. It’s easy to become attracted to someone who shares the same daily working practices and easy to end up talking about work over a drink or two and then realize you have more in common.
Getting your husband to stop talking to a work colleague is not going to be easy, especially if they are in the same office. But, if you really want your husband to prove that he is ending the affair, he can ask for a transfer to another department. This is not always going to be easy, especially in this present climate where jobs are not as easy to come by, but for the sake of your marriage, it is one of the things your husband can try.
There are other things you can do such as keep an eye on your husband’s phone, check his text messages, check his email. If he has ended the affair, he should give you access to these tools to show you that he has nothing to hide.
In short, you have to give an ultimatum and tell your husband that the relationship must end otherwise he is risking ruining your marriage.
The next step on would be to assess your marriage.
Figure out why this happened in the first place.
For your husband to have become interested in another woman enough to want to spend a lot of time with her, he clearly was dissatisfied with the marriage.
Find out what is lacking for you both and aim to work together to put things right.
If you take your husband’s emotional affair as a warning, you might want to get some marriage counseling so that you can both deal with what has happened and strengthen your marriage so that something like this never happens again.
Filed under: Infidelity in Marriage